Geeky Motherhood: Part One

I suppose I only really write about my experiences of motherhood in passing in all of my blogs, but sometimes it's unquantifiable and I feel the need to share.  At the time of writing it's getting on for the half-way point of the long school summer holidays and I'm feeling it fairly acutely this year because my mother (who provides cover during vacations) has recently been in hospital for a hip replacement, so it's been a bit of an uphill struggle this season.  We have been for a visit to London today and although he's been fairly good, his constant jumping up and down, enormous bursts of energy and quite frankly, standard autistic behaviour is rather wearing at times and can drive a parent to distraction. 

It's strange, I suppose I always wanted a child but wasn't really as obsessed as many of my peers were; although saying that I attended an all girls secondary modern where at least four pupils were mothers by the time they'd sat their GCSEs.  Many of my contemporaries' children are in their teens now, but I always knew that if I'd had a child in my teens or twenties that it would have compromised who I was in so many ways.  I did time it right though when the time came: I'd been married for a quite a few years, we had a house, I'd completed my degree and had attained enough ground in my career to level off a bit, so there you go, both practical and romantic. 

Not knowing many people in this borough, despite having grown up here, left then returned a few years later, myself and The Duke signed up to NCT Antenatal Classes.  For those not in the know the NCT stands for the National Childbirth Trust and in a nutshell it's a bit of a middle-class yummy mummy club where the emphasis is on natural childbirth, breastfeeding and attending nearly new sales in drafty church halls.  I seem to recall that I quipped in an early class, when posed the question "what made you decide to have children?" that we had a spare room in the house and we may was well fill it with a child instead of a komodo dragon.  Oh dear, that's not the way, is it?

I won't use this blog post as a ritual slagging off of the NCT because I did later become co-chair of my local branch, well for about six months before my return to work compromised my attendance at committee meeting, but I must categorically state that they do provide a great service in the community.  As for the antenatal classes, well unless you like sitting around on a hard chair talking about the things you're planning to pack in your overnight bag, don't bother and if you're not interested in seeing pictures of women across the globe breastfeeding whilst sitting backwards on a donkey - stay away.  As for the lesson where the teacher smeared Colman's English Mustard on a plastic doll to replicate the texture of baby poo - well, forget it.  It made me laugh a few years later when Dawn French's midwife character in the peerless BBC comedy Psychoville was obsessed with a stunt baby whom she dubbed 'My Little Freddie Fruitcake'. 

Finally: although published a couple of years after I'd given birth, this book is an invaluable source of wit and wisdom and is derived from the excellent Mumsnet website.  Actually, I can recommend the online stuff too because I've never been trolled on there and that's rare in this day and age.